The Week After, Day 5

Today, Thursday, didn’t start off very good. I did chores, feeding dogs, cats and horses. Then I had to get the trailer ready for the weekend ride. I had planned on going to Turkey Creek for the weekend, for one last ride. I was to meet friends, starting today, but decided to postpone my start until Friday. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go.

After chores were done, I decided to get the trailer ready. I really didn’t need to decide until Friday morning, but at least if I was going, I could fill the water tank and make sure I had hay in the trailer. Then, I realize that I hadn’t been in the trailer since I brought it home on Saturday after Finny died. As I filled water in the tank, I opened the tack room door. I only looked in, and saw Finny’s halter and lead rope. I didn’t go into the tack room. I opened the escape door of the horse area and looked in. It was stacked full of buckets and hay bags, just as my friend, Virginia, packed it hurriedly as I had to leave Indian Caves quickly. I put Finny’s halter and lead rope into one of the hay bags, close at hand but not visible. I wasn’t ready to use his halter on any other horse.

The water tank filled. I shut off the hydrant. The inevitable was waiting. I had to go into the horse area. When I open up the doors, I saw the subtle signs of struggle, and I had to clean the area. I didn’t know if I could do that. But, with tears in my eyes, I got a sponged, dampened it, and wiped the smudged areas, of small blood stains, smears, and hair on the dividers. I didn’t want to think about how they got there. But I had seen enough horses struggle in pain to know how, and my heart was breaking in two once again, knowing that my horse had struggled in pain as I rushed him to the vet clinic. And my heart ached. I couldn’t stop his pain those last 2 hours, until the end, and my heart, once again, broke in two, and I didn’t want to go anywhere in that horse trailer.

I finished the dreaded task, and went inside. My stomach was upset. I wasn’t sure if I should go ride or not. I had thought if I took a horse, it would be Chick. I wasn’t sure that if I was going, I wanted to take a horse or not. At least if I took Chick, she didn’t require a lot of attention, and I’m not sure I could give a horse much extra attention right now. I left for the store, not sure what I was doing.

Then Tammy called me. She was reading my blog. Finny meant a lot to her, too. Her horse, Windy, and Finny shared many trails and lessons, and got along . I smile as Tammy will say that Windy had a crush on Finny. And like most guys, Finny had not a clue! Tammy understood how heart breaking the situation was, how many questions I had, and how sad I felt. We will soon ride together, and we will shart memories. Healing has started.

Virginia came to the store. We talked about gaited horses, and about next year’s CTR’s. I thanked her for helping me at the trailer with Finny. And she helped me to pick out little gifts for the others who helped me on the day that Finny colicked. The vets and the people who were camped near me were wonderful, stepping in to help as soon as they saw I was having trouble with Finny.

My friend, Vicki, called, and met me after I was done at the store. She had made a crochet basket, with Finny’s name and dates on it, to hold a lock of his hair. I wouldn’t let myself get upset.

The day ended better. My friend, Tammy, on her blog, Horsetrailriders.com posted a tribute to Finny. At first I was sad and had tears while I read. Then the smiles came. Then the memories. And soon I was laughing. I remember the stories now. The Storm when we both were freezing, in June in Nebraska! The rattle snake sounds at Ft Rob, and once again, trying to beat a storm! That nasty horse fly at the CTR! Oh, the memories almost make me cry, but happy tears now. Thanks, tv, for reminding me that I have much more to smile about now then to cry about.

I know there are memories to make in the future. Only God knows our future, and I will let him lead my trail rides. I know I will ride a different horse, and I will try to be true to that horse. Only time heals, and I pray to God to heal my heart so that I can give my heart to another horse. There is a lot of love to go around.