Back to Riding, Without Finny

The Direct TV man left today, after hooking up 2 more tv’s (for a price that is less than what I have already been paying). The day was finally sunny and warming up into the 50’s. I decided it was time to get one of my other horses out to ride. I thought I was ready.

I had thought of working the 3 horses that I need to get back to riding. But the lots are a muddy mess, and I really didn’t want to deal with all of that mud on the horses today. Anyways, I had Jacob, Amber and Caden coming for supper, and I just didn’t want to be that rushed. I already had a pot roast in the crock pot, and was going to cook noodles in the broth about ½ hour before we were to eat. All I would have to do after I rode was to grain, fill a water tank, and feed dogs and cats.

I decided to take Starlet to the field. She needed the exercise! I should have weight taped her. I think she is at least 100, maybe 200 pounds overweight! I put my muck boots on and went into the lot to get her. She came quietly, I think due to anticipating a few bites of grass outside the gate. I tied her to the horse trailer, groomed and saddled her. All of the bridles had Finny’s CTR numbered tag on them. I removed the tag from one of the bridles and bridled Starlet.

I changed out of the muck boots and put riding boots on. I replaced my ball cap with my Troxel helmet. I mounted and rode out behind the barn. It has been awhile since I have ridden Starlet in the field, and she was heads up. She was a little goosey riding past the dogs. The edge of the corn field was a little soft, but not muddy.

I thought I would have a nice quiet, slow ride as Starlet is out of shape. As I rounded the 1st corner of the field, and started on the path that I should have been taking with Finny, his loss hit me again. I should have been riding Finny. It should have been Finny that I was taking to the field, enjoying a good, extended trot. The pain of losing him came out, and tears ran down my face.

I went on with my ride, remembering Finny. Places where he would just walk on, stopping to eat grass, Starlet was hesitant. Places where Finny went in to a lovely trot, Starlet was jigging. The sun was out, and I made myself look around me. Thinking of other things, or just watching where I was going, I didn’t want to remember and compare Starlet to Finny. I want to believe Finny is happy where he is. I want to appreciate riding Starlet again. Eventually, the tears stopped, and I rode on. After about an hour, I was back to the trailer, unsaddled, and put Starlet back into the lot with the other horses. I patted her and I think she understood how I felt, as she stood quietly.

After chores were done, I changed and washed my face. I brushed my hair back into a braid. I added the noodles to the beef broth, and set the table. The kids arrived and Tom came home from work. We enjoyed playing with Caden for awhile. When they left, I asked Tom for a hug. I told him that I had a bad moment in the field while I was riding. I needed to feel his pat on my back, telling me that everything will be all right.

I miss Finny and I always will. But I’ll get back to enjoying the other horses. I started today.

The rides might seem tough for awhile. I’ll need to go on more rides. Come along on the rides with me!