Finding The Dream

I’m reading a book by Nora Roberts, “Finding the Dream”. The main character is Laura, a divorcee at the age of 28, with 2 young daughters. Alone now, because she caught her husband in bed with another woman. What a swine! Why not just get out of the marriage and leave her if he can’t stay loyal? Not only did he cheat on her, he took all the money and left nothing for the woman, who had adored and loved him with her whole heart, or for the 2 little girls, who he never really loved. He won’t even go to the father-daughter time at school with the 10 year old.

Now Laura has turned 30 and she is still getting over the self-doubting of her abilities. She gave up a lot of her life, a life filled with privilege and wealth, for this man. We know why he wanted to marry her! Now she is rebuilding her life.

Laura’s family, along with her 2 best friends, made her take her birthday off, and then gave her a wonderful birthday dinner. During the day, she reflected back on the previous 2 years and came to the conclusion that she has started to rebuild her life, and without financial help from her family. Even though there is a family business, she is in partnership on another business with her 2 friends. She is taking care of the home she was raised in, loving the gardens, and bestowing love on her 2 daughters, who she adores. She is finally getting back to doing what she enjoys, gardening, having pets for her girls, and horseback riding lessons.

As she thought about her life, she went through moments of dread, going into the next decade. (don’t we all?) She was reminded of all that is good in her life. (Don’t we all need to set back and remind ourselves?) She was taking stock on her life!

I like that. Better yet, I like that wording. Taking stock! My first thought, was of course, animals. Cattle and Horses. How do you take stock of your life? Your possessions? What you have accomplished? What you enjoy doing?

Laura reevaluated her life. Her marriage was over, but not her life. The bitterness is leaving. In it’s place comes acceptance and the ability to move on. This sounds like what I’ve been feeling since losing Finny. I guess lose, in any form, is lose. Sadness, bitterness, acceptance. Moving through the emotions to moving on with life. But this wasn’t the intended purpose of this writing today, but I guess that is where my mind moved to, sometimes, and sometimes always, on to Finny. Today is about moving on and finding that dream.

Laura sat down and let nature surround her. Maybe that is what we need to do. Sit quietly. Sit somewhere where you can think and be yourself. In the fields. Out on the prairie (not me, but many of my friends here in Nebraska love the open prairie). In the woods. In the barn. Among the horses. (I’m sure my friend Tammy goes to her horse trailer a lot!) I personally love the country life, and I love having trees around me. I love riding a forest trail!!!

You can handle anything that you set yourself and your mind to handle. Quit doubting, quit moping, and quit doing nothing. Or should I say, start realizing you can do anything you want to do, anything you set your mind to do, and anything is possible. Put the positive on your way of thinking.

And the emptiness and loneliness with leave. Your life will be too busy to think about self doubt and whether or not you have the ability to do what you want to do. Busy-ness makes for tired bodies. And the ability to sleep better. And being busy builds up muscle and stamina and strength. I believe this can be both physical and mental. When we get our sleep, and eat well, and that has to be nutritionally well, we feel better. When we accomplish something, even the tiniest thing, we feel better. This still wasn’t what I was going to talk about today. Geez, I do get sidetracked.

I was going to talk about how to Find the Dream. I guess I’ll have to leave that for tomorrow. After I read more of the book. And maybe my mind won’t drift so much. But I don’t mind the drifting, as it helps me to sort out my thoughts.

We live and breathe horses

Because horses are our lives!

Sometimes, those of us that are in the horse business, get out of the horse business because it is hard, physical work, and we go find a job that may be easier. But then we find that it is not easy on our souls. We need horses in our lives, and we need horses more than just to own and ride them. Horses need to be what we are all about. That's not saying that horses don't mean as much to people who don't have a horse business, because I know they do. I think we ALL would be depressed if we couldn't be doing something with horses.

I know I have tried to leave the horse business, and every time, I get drawn back to it. I think that I’m tired and that I want to do something easier. But as I sit inside a building, I miss being outside. I can’t wait to be outside, even on those hot, those hot days that are so humid that you have sweat running down your back as soon as you start walking to the barn, days and those cold, bone chilling cold, days, days where you can‘t wait to come inside and bundle up in a sweater and lounge on the couch with a fluffy afghan.

I know that I had to have been born with a love for horses. I know horses are imbedded in my soul. I grew up with ponies and horses all around me, and I’m the only one out of 5 siblings that still has horses. I read horse books. I drew horses. I couldn’t wait to ride the hills during the summer. And I missed my horse once I went to college and sold him the 2nd summer. Then I was too poor, newly married, within a year and a half, with a child. And living in residential areas over the next 5 years, with 2 young children, wasn’t helping me.

I haven’t been dreaming much about horses lately, and I need to start going to sleep thinking about my horses, and maybe I will start that tonight. I have been dreaming, but dreaming those strange dreams that make no sense. And I’m awake a lot (darn menopausal symptoms, waking up warm, throwing covers off, then an hour later, waking up cold, covering back up. And the cycle repeats itself every night, at least 2 more times).

So the question is, how do we survive? I know the heat and humidity this summer has worn a lot of my friends down. Who wants to come home after work and try to ride in 90 degree weather, or even low 80’s, with 70-80% humidity! It is terrible most afternoons and evenings. It’s miserable at 8 in the morning. By noon, I’m dragging, and then I drag all day. I know that I’m counting down to when there are days with NO humidity. But I still want a fall, with nice weather, not freezing, not raining, not overly windy. I know, I’m not asking for much. I’m only asking for about a month of perfect 10 days, maybe 2 months! Now, working with horses outside sounds heavenly, doesn’t it, if we get a few perfect days?

How do we survive when we don’t get much horse time? Not as much riding time either? I ride early in the morning. Some people ride in the evening. Then, after the sun goes down, you fight mosquitoes. But earlier in the day, you fight those big black flies. I have never seen as many as I have seen this summer! I try to take a few trail rides early on Saturday mornings. I just can’t do any horsey time when it is so hot and sticky that the horses are standing around, and sweating just standing still!

We need to do more than survive. We need to be revived! I know I try to revive myself every day when I come in from the barn, and just sit down for a few minutes. I try to have a good lunch. I take my Woman’s One a Day with Iron multivitamin. I read that if you get the afternoon blahs and are tired by 2 or 3 pm, take a multivitamin and that will perk you up. And you know what? It works! I started doing this Monday of last week, and every day, about noon or 1 since, I’ve taken my vitamin, along with a glucosamine supplement ( you know, for old, creaky joints). I haven’t had a tired moment in the last 2 weeks. Before that, when this heat and humidity hit, I was about to nap every day when I came inside. That darn humidity just wipes me out!

How else do we get revived? I always said August was a month when I didn’t do much, because of the heat. County Fair was always the first week, then youth world. Kids were going back to school so lessons were not scheduled. This year, I am going on a horse camping trip to SD with friends. Otherwise, if I was home, I would just do what I wanted to do. Ride horses when I wanted to. Maybe get a house decorating job done. Maybe read some books. Maybe lounge at the pool.

I give myself permission to not do much! How about that? I think that may surprise a few people. But you need down time. My hubby has a stressful job, and because of that, I feel like I need more down time. I hope that doesn’t seem selfish, as I know my hubby really needs that extra down time. But how do I take care of him, the house, the animals, my kids and grandkids, and myself, without some time of just doing nothing?

So I give you permission to do absolutely nothing! Nada! Zilch! Zero! Nothing. If you need to do nothing to get revived, then do nothing.

Otherwise, figure out HOW to revive yourself, even just a little bit, then do it!
Give yourself permission. And don’t feel guilty! We need to take care of ourselves.

I feel better when I am planning something. You know, always keeping busy with something. Maybe planning the next vacation. Maybe planning a craft or hobby project. Maybe planning a trail ride. Maybe planning an evening out with a friend and go to a wine tasting!

So plan something fun. Give yourself some time off. Get rested. Get revived. And you have survived!

Look forward to your journey.

“Embrace the journey!”

100 Things About Me

(inspired by Linda, Just Another Day on the Prairie)

Linda has inspired me to do 100 things about myself.

1. I love my hubby.
2. I love my family.
3. I love horses, and
4. I love riding.
5. I love owning mares,
6. And I love horse babies,
7. And I love all babies, especially my grandbabies.
8. My hubby is my best friend (most of the time, anyways).
9. I know a lot of people,
10. but I don’t have many close friends.
11. Currently, I own 9 horses,
12. a Springer Spaniel female,
13. and an Aussie, Australian Shepherd, female,
14. And lots of barn cats.
15. I am 52,
16. and have been married 29 years.
17. I have 3 children, ages 23 to 28.
18. I have a girl and 2 boys.
19. I have a daughter-in-law and a son-in-law.
20. I can handle organized chaos.
21. I tear out pages of things I like from magazines (then file them in categories).
22. I enjoy photography,
23. And taking pictures of the horses, my grandbabies, the scenery, and the country.
24. I love reading books,
25. And I want to find the time to read my horse magazines.
26. I read Home Decorating magazines, and watch Home Decorating shows,
27. And I enjoy renovating my home.
28. I give horseback riding lessons,
29. I train horses and I enjoy making horses ride better.
30. And I try to teach what I know about horses to whoever wants to learn.
31. I had a tack store for 5 ½ years, that I closed this year,
32. so now I’m selling my inventory (eBay, here I come).
33. I have taken a Centered Riding clinic last year,
34. And then became a CR Level 1 instructor.
35. I will work towards becoming a CR Level 2 instructor next year.
36. I get so much more out of the CR books now.
37. Centered Riding has affected my life in more ways than in just with horses and riding.
38. I enjoy working with people who really want to learn how to ride.
39. Someday, I want to travel and give clinics.
40. I enjoy trail riding,
41. And I have bought my first gaited horse, a Tennessee Walking Horse.
42. My other horses are Quarter Horses, mares and geldings,
43. And I have 1 stud.
44. I bred to have 2 foals next year.
45. I have done 3 years of CTR (Competitive Trail Riding)
46. I want to trail ride in a new place every year.
47. This year, I am going to Custer, SD.
48. I want to do more CTR’s next year.
49. I want to start to do some trail challenges.
50. At 50, I started menopause.
51. I get “hot” at night, then cold.
52. I wake up 3-6 times a night.
53. I am looking forward to this stage of my life to be over,
54. Because I’m really tired of these dark circles!
55. I am also tired of mosquitoes, flies, deer flies, and those big black flies,
56. And I don’t like ticks! I despise them. But I believe that there is a cure for an incurable disease from ticks.
57. I love flowers,
58. And I want to plant more flowers next year.
59. I want to have a garden next year (It’s been a long time since I have had a vegetable garden).
60. I grew up in PA,
61. And have lived in New Jersey, Michigan, and
62. I have been in Nebraska for 24 years.
63. I was in PA for 24 years.
64. I will always be a Penn State Fan.
65. I played softball during the summers when I was a kid,
66. I played basketball
67. and ran track in High School, both on our school’s first girl’s teams.
68. I graduated from PSU in 1980 in Animal Production.
69. I have an Associate Degree in Veterinary Technician from MI.
70. I have a BS Degree In Ag Business from UNL.
71. I am a Certified Equine Massage Therapist.
72. I have the AAHS certification (American Association for Horsemanship Safety).
73. I work for myself so I can set my own hours.
74. Have I said how much I love to ride horses?
75. I love to shop for antiques, when I have time.
76. I cook only because we have to eat.
77. But I love to cook around the holidays.
78. I always make a large turkey for Thanksgiving,
79. a Cook’s ham for Christmas,
80. And pork and sauerkraut on New Year’s Day.
81. I have done some needlepoint, and would like to get back to it some day.
82. I love the color blue, especially the blue of a bright blue sky on a sunny day!
83. My Grandma’s name was Ruth, and that is my, my daughter’s, and my granddaughter’s middle name.
84. I love blogging, and telling my “story”.
85. I love mowing grass, from a riding lawnmower.
86. I love the smell of fresh hay.
87. I love my coffee in the morning.
88. I love a good steak.
89. I don’t love looking over the edge of very high buildings, cliffs, bridges, whatever.
90. I don’t like people who talk behind your back.
91. And I don’t like people who say they are your friend now, only because you are helping them with something, then they aren’t your friend in a few years??? Who needs them, anyways?
92. I love the crisp, cool days of fall.
93. I love a good, smooth Merlot,
94. Otherwise I drink boxed Zinfadel mixed with Crystal Light peach tea for a cheap winecooler.
95. I love walking the beach on a sunny day.
96. I really love being a grandmother.
97. I love God.
98. I believe things happen for a reason, and sometimes we just need to wait to see that reason or "hear" the why.
99. I love living in the country.
100. I love my life.

Now, I challenge you to do 100 things about yourself. Let me know when you do!

“Embrace the Journey!”

The Journey is Long

Life is a journey and lasts a lifetime. Life is ever changing. We are always on a journey, finding our way.

The journey can change direction. Paths twist and curve. There are stops on the way, which makes us stop to think what is next. There are crossroads, where we need to decide which way to go. Sometimes, the path ends and we need to backtrack to find where the path was. Sometimes, we are one a path, thinking that we are heading one direction, and the path changes direction without us realizing it. Or sometimes, we just have to make our own paths!

Life is about growing and maturing into wisdom and patience. Time helps us to grow from an infant to an adult. Time and good nutrition and overall good health. That includes our mental health. We need to take care of our body, as well as our mind. They both need rest, and need to be refreshed. Within our busy lives, we need to take time for rest and relaxation. As we grow, our body matures. Our minds mature, and we change.

Only time will tell how much we change, and that is also determined by how our life circumstances change. Life brings us a wisdom and patience that only time can bring to us. Life’s troubles give us wonderful hindsight for later circumstances. We change how we handle things that come our way, even changing how we would do something the next time we encounter the same situation. We mature and we may take the time to think longer or think things through more thoroughly. We gain patience, and if you do what I do, I pray for patience all the time. I pray for the knowledge of how to do something.

Life is about nurturing and comforting when someone, or something, is hurt. Through time, and becoming older, my age has brought a slowness, that isn’t from moving slow but from taking the time. Taking the time to look, think, and ponder about things. Nurture yourself and others when you need to. Find something that brings a comfort to you. Read. Find a hobby. Give yourself time to enjoy life.

We cause our life to take different paths, and the longer we think about the path that we want to take, the better the choice of our path will be. We may not choose what someone else will choose, and that is ok. It is about you and your life. Find what is right for you. When life seems to have a different path in front of you than what you thought you would take, then take that path. Remember, you can always back track later, if the path doesn’t seem quite right for you.

Paths take us on our life’s journey. Many paths and many directions. Take the time to use the knowledge and the wisdom that you gain along the way to decide what direction you want your journey to continue. It’s ok to stop and stay where you are, or take a little longer before moving on. But life won’t wait on you. Life continues on. We have the choice do stay and do nothing or to move along.

Enjoy your journey. Allow your life to grow and change. Look forward to the changes, as it can bring a wonderful, new feeling.

As I grow and change, I find a peace within me. It is a comfort for me to allow my life to go where it takes me. I don’t think and ponder the paths in front of me. I know things happen for a reason, and I allow God to guide me. My journey has become a journey of finding more peace. My journey has centered me, and that is one reason that studying Centered Riding has appealed to me and for my love of horses.

Life is good if you let it be. Let the opportunities, that happen along the way, happen for a reason. A good reason. A reason that is right for you. Enjoy your life today.

Come along on my journey with me, and as always, "Embrace the Journey!"

Sunday Stills "HORSES"

My friend, Tammy, from Horsetrailriders.com has been following the Sunday Stills blog. I really like the shots that Tammy got this week for the Sunday Stills Horses challenge.

Each week, Ed, of Sunday Stills, issues a new photo challenge. I like that he says that it doesn’t matter what type of camera you have. Post your pictures and see the pictures that other people are sharing. Work on improving your own skills.



This year has been the beginning of a lot of journeys for me. I’m just as excited to begin my journey into horse photography. I had a camera as a kid and could only take pictures when I could save up enough money to buy film. Later, after college, I got a Yashica 35 mm and I learned to focus manually. Now, with the digital world, taking lots of pictures isn’t a problem. Editing the pictures



Ed thinks this week is a challenge, but to all of us who own and love horses, this is exciting. I decided to try a few different shots this week. I would like to learn to take better pictures. I have always loved taking pictures, but I really want to learn to take “unique” shots.



I’m starting these challenges by taking pictures of my stud, Grand Duke of Asset, “Duke”. In the shadows of an outside pen, I thought the close-ups of his face were interesting. He was in a quiet mood today, relaxed, and I loved how his face looked.



Come along on this journey with me!

Confidence

My friend, Tammy, has written about Fear on her blog, Horsetrailriders. I thought I would talk about why there is fear. But after thinking about this for a few days, and answering her blog, I realized that what I told her is true for a lot of people who have some fear. As you build confidence, your fear diminishes.

What I have learned recently is that you can’t go throughout life without living. You can’t refuse to do something you love just to prevent something bad from happening. What if something bad never happens because you don’t experience anything that you want to do, and that causes you to sit at home, inside, and do nothing. Someone told me, after Finny died, that I was conditioning him and riding him to the best of my ability. I was using him for the reason that I wanted to ride and that is what we both loved to do. So I shouldn’t fear riding because a health issue may arise in my horse or that I may have an accident.

And that would be the same reason for a person not to fear riding in case a riding accident should arise. We can’t go through life afraid of something happening. We can’t go through life - afraid of life. But what we can do is to prevent accidents from happening. Education is marvelous.

So how does a person build confidence? How does someone with fear build confidence? How do you find confidence in something if you never had the experience in the first place? How do you build confidence with horses?

Maybe ignorance is bliss, as sometimes beginners do just fine. I think they don’t realize what could go wrong. People who have been in the horse business for any length of time have either seen, heard of, or experience problems or accidents that could give someone fear. Maybe beginners are so relaxed that the horses stay relaxed. Maybe people who have seen the accidents take precautions to prevent the accidents from happening to them. Maybe when an accident happens, some people who don’t show fear realize that is what it is, just an accident. And, once again, education is a marvelous thing!

We can prevent accidents through learning from experience. We can prevent accidents by doing things safely. We can prevent accidents through educating ourselves about horses, and about safety. We can think before acting. We can act slowly. We can always do things the same way all the time, as horses are creatures of habit. We can have as safe of an environment around us as we can. And when something bad happens, an accident happens, then we need to call that living. That is life.

Maybe through experiences, people learn. I once was told that we learn more when we have problems. I never forgot that statement. When a horse has been sick, I learned more about that disease. When a horse was difficult to train, I learned more about how to train that problem. When a family member got hurt, I learned more about what caused that accident, what could have gone wrong, and how to prevent the problem again.

Nothing that I have experienced in the last 20 years, or 30 years , or even 40 years when I was a youth, have caused me fear. I think it has caused me some agony, some sadness, some sore muscles and body parts, but never fear. I don’t know why, except that I knew that everything that happened wasn’t because the horse was trying to hurt me. Now, there are horses out there that would kick and bite a person if they could, and if that horse was mine, it would be sold if it didn’t bond with me. That horse would HAVE to become submissive/ bond with me/ whatever, but it would have to give up the dominant actions, or the horse would be down the road in a heartbeat, no questions asked. I wouldn’t have a horse around that would hurt me or one of my family!

Fear will diminish with riding, and understanding how horses work, and with experience. If the fear remains, then go back to the beginning. Do some lessons with a really trained, quiet horse. Take your horse for training, and take lessons with that horse. If the fear remains, I would be the first person to suggest that maybe the horse that you have isn’t the horse for you. It isn’t that you are giving up on a horse. Some horses don’t get along with some people, and vice versa. Move on. Find a horse that works for you. Find a horse that is WILLING to bond with you, and be your buddy. There are so many horses out there to not find that special horse. Don’t keep a horse for the reason, “just because you will feel bad to give up on a horse“. If the horse isn’t for you, find the best home that you can for the horse, and move on. Maybe you are not the person that the horse needs. Think about that!

What do you need? You need a horse that you can trust. You need a horse that you can ride. You need a horse that is at the training ability for you to learn.

Don’t think about having fear. Instead, think about how you can ride to learn more about your horse. Think about lessons and/or training for your horse. But definitely think about having a horse that matches your personality, your skills, and your desire.

When you find that special horse, it is wonderful. Replace fear with caution, be safe, and ride with the confidence of knowing that your horse is your friend.

I would love to ride with you whenever you want to. If you need a friend, a trainer, or someone to inspire you, ride with me anytime! Even if it has to be through the internet because of distance. Stay safe and learn as much as you can. Remember, have your horse as your friend, and you will enjoy riding so much more!

Come along on the ride with me!

My Mind is on Finny

As I started searching for a gaited horse for CTR, my mind has been on Finny. A lot. Especially after I looked at Tennessee Walking Horses 2 weekends ago. Especially after I looked at a friend’s young Foxtrotter and rode another friend’s 2 Foxtrotters. Especially after I went to SE Missouri this past weekend, 7 hours away, to look at some more Foxtrotters. But especially after I rode Starlet to the field on Monday.

That was harder than I thought it would be. Today I am going to ride her to the field ago. I think it will go easier. My mind is on a replacement horse, and I’m feeling down. I really don’t want to replace Finny. I’m making myself look at other horses. I have to give some other horses a chance.

I know, as I have been on these gaited horses the past 2 weeks, I have enjoyed it. I love their forward movement. I love how they cover the ground. I love their willingness. I know I have to keep looking at horses. I will make myself look at horses.

It’s just so overwhelming sometimes. To make all of these contacts. To travel and look at these horses. To keep searching for “the” horse. To keep talking about it. This should be a fun, enjoyable time, but I just want it to be done.

Sally Swift, Centered Riding organizer, said, “Life is a Journey”. This is all about life. I guess life goes on. I guess I’ll keep looking. I’ll try to enjoy the search.

I just want a horse to continue the journey with. I thought I had the one, and now he is gone. I thought Finny would have been with me the next 10 or 20 years, to continue learning together, and to continue teaching others with. I am really starting to miss what should have been, and what I don’t have.

I wonder what Sally Swift would tell me? Maybe to keep riding.

I guess I better keep riding. That will probably make me feel better. Come along on the ride with me.

The End of the First Week

Tomorrow is here! I had a beautiful ride at Turkey Creek, near Newcastle, Nebraska, Friday afternoon and this morning. My heart was singing. I love the hills and trees and scenery. I felt a weighted load of grief lift from my shoulders. I took some pics that I will post tomorrow. Finny is where he needs to be right now, and I am where I need to be right now. I am sad that Finny isn’t with me, I am glad that I didn’t bring any horses this weekend, and I am grateful that Brenda is sharing her horses with me. That has made the transition in riding a different horse easier for me.

I rode Brenda W’s Tennessee Walkers. They sure do move out. Two of the horses were only 3 year olds, but they were solid on the trails. I will continue to look at horses. I need to find the right horse that will replace Finny at CTR’s. I can take my time to do that.

I had moments of sadness. I was comfortable talking about Finny, as my friends talked to me about him. We shared stories and memories. But I was ready to leave. I left Saturday late afternoon. I didn’t need to stay longer. I think that when I realized that I would be traveling home at 5 pm, and Finny was gone for exactly a week, I was glad that I was by myself.

On the way home, at 5 pm, I was at the end of the first week since Finny died. The radio played songs that reminded me that I was saying goodbye to my friend. Vayos Con Dios, Go with God. A song came on the radio, "You're always in my heart, you're always on my mind" and those lyrics will be with me forever. When you need me, I'll be there...

Then I remember the hills and trees and scenery. I remember how I felt when the sadness and guilt and pain was gone. I felt that I was suppose to be here, today, remembering Finny. Finny would want me to enjoy my rides. I think he knew me as much as I knew him. I can’t live my life grieving for him and not riding. But I can live my life remembering Finny with a great love and thankfulness. I am eternally grateful for what Finny has taught me and for what we have done together.

I will always wish that I had more time with Finny. That saddens me tonight. I am crying as I write this. I miss what could have been. I miss that I could have made Finny greater than he was. I am sorry that I couldn’t have taken better care of him. I am sorry that I didn’t have many years with him, and that I could have shared him with my lesson kids and my grandchildren. He would have been an awesome lesson horse.

But tomorrow is here. What happened, has happened. I can’t change that, but I can move on. I pray that God is riding my horse, and I pray that Finny is helping the angels learn to ride. I want to dream that Finny is running across a field, ears perked, whinnying, because he sees me at the Golden Gate, and he is running to meet me.

The Week After: Day 6

Thursday, I was to ride at Turkey Creek with friends for 4 days with Finny. Ii didn't go on Thursday. Today, Friday, I am going to Turkey Creek, but without Finny. Yesterday, I wasn’t sure I could go. Yesterday, I wasn’t sure I could take another horse. I wasn’t sure I could load another horse into the horse trailer. This early Friday morning, I had decided I could take Chick, as she doesn’t need, nor want, extra attention. Until I saw how muddy she was. I emailed Brenda at TC to ask if I could just ride her horses, and that was fine with Brenda. I didn’t need to load a horse into the horse trailer. I’m glad, as I knew if I had to load a horse, it wouldn’t be Finny.

Turkey Creek is 3 hours away, near Newcastle, Nebraska. I don’t know what happened to the first hour. My thoughts were everywhere, from horses, to the store, to parents, to the future. The next thing I knew, I was north of Fremont and had driven an hour.

I called my parents. My dad was sick late Sunday night, the day after Finny died. He was flown to a Pittsburgh hospital with an a very elevated blood pressure, due to prostrate and urinary tract problems. Luckily, they were able to treat him, and his blood pressure returned to normal. He came home Monday morning, and saw more doctors that day and on Wednesday. He is still having problems and will return to the doctors on this coming Monday. My mother has slight dementia, but seems to be doing very well this week. I think that when she gets very tired, she sleeps very well for a week, and that week that she sleeps well, she has wonderful memory. My parents are aging. What does the future hold for them?

I called my friend Dianna. She had shoulder surgery on Monday and I wanted to see who she was doing. Her father is also sick. We talked about horses, and she shared a story with me about her special horse who had died, a beautiful palomino. She dreams of her horse, seeing her loping in a field, with her flaxen mane blowing in the wind.

As I drove north, there were 2 horses in a field. One Palomino. One Black. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, less than a ½ hour after I talked to Dianna. Chills went up and down my arms. The 2 horses were standing head to tail, caressing each other’s withers. I couldn’t believe that I had just got done talking with Dianna, and less than a ½ hour, I saw these 2 horses, standing in their pasture next to the highway. Is that a sign? Are those 2 horses now in heaven, comforting each other? Were they showing their owners that they are fine? And that we should be fine?

I continued to think of the future. I am distracted. At times, I remember that Finny isn’t with me and I am sad. At times, I think of CTR, and that I had been thinking of getting a gaited horse, and I am sad. Am I being disloyal? Is it time to think of another horse already? I have talked and emailed many friends this week. Everyone had been wonderful and understanding. When I think of getting another horse, it will make it seem like Finny is gone forever. Am I ready for that?

As I drove, I came to the conclusion that I could love again. I shouldn’t be afraid to give my heart away. A good friend lost her dog, but loved the breed so much that she got another one. She showed me that to love again is special. She is very sad for the puppy that she had to say goodbye to, but she has brought another special dog into her life. I could do the same with a horse. Just because I have another horse to love doesn’t mean that I love Finny any less. It means I could share more love with another special friend. And I shouldn’t be afraid to love another horse. I shouldn’t be afraid to share that special bond with another horse. It may not be the same type of love and bond, but it will be special for that horse, and that horse only.

I realized that each horse is special. I realized that each horse brings a specific love to our life. But more importantly, I realized that I can go on and share more love. There are so many horses out there that need us, just as much as we need them. I can find that horse that I can share a special bond with, just as my friend found her dog. Our next special friend helps us with our pain of losing our other friend. I lost a very special dog, Aggie, a long time ago. I still think of this special pet to this day, sometimes with tears in my eyes. She was my dog, a well mannered Springer Spaniel, who I had through my last year of college, early marriage, and with young children. To this day, I miss the connection that I had with her. I am ready to have another dog and have that same connection. Then I realized that is the same with Finny. I will miss him deeply, and forever. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have another horse that means to me what he means to me. Finny will always mean something special to me. I am just realizing how much he meant to me. Isn’t it a shame that we realize things like this when they are gone? And that makes me sad all over again. When will this sadness and the sense that I didn’t do enough leave me? Or will it make be a better person for the next horse and dog that I love?

God says that he won’t give us any more than we can handle. I don’t know how He could think that I could handle losing Finny. My heart was breaking, and I couldn’t breathe. I sobbed in agony. How did He think I was handling that? The messages that I received from friends helped immensely. Maybe losing Finny showed me how much friends should really mean to us. Maybe losing Finny will help me with someone who loses their riding partner. Maybe losing Finny has a meaning that I have yet to discover.

I don’t know how I could have handled anything more than this. Finny’s sudden death tore my heart apart. I need to think that Finny was needed somewhere else. I need to think that someone needed Finny more than me, and my heart breaks for them, as I know how much I need Finny. I pray that the angels are having a glorious time riding him.

I believe I am healing. I rode Brenda, from Turkey Creek, Tennessee Walking horses today. And I smiled and had a good time. The horses took me on a good ride. I looked at the hills, felt the movement of the horses, and realized that I was meant to be here. I rode ahead, pushing the young mare into her gait. I needed to feel, and to sense, that this was right. Jess’s horse, Tucker, wanted to walk out. We rode side by side for a lot of the ride. She is struggling with a sickness in the family. I think our horse feel our struggles, and help us. I pray that Jess, and her family, find strength and peace in the knowledge that they have many friends around them.

As I go to bed tonight, there are still many doubts. I still wonder and question what I could have done differently. I will always feel that I didn’t do enough for Finny. But I feel differently now. I am sad, but I am learning. And what I learn will hopefully prevent the next case of colic.

As I go to bed tonight, I am starting to have wonderful memories of Finny. I am seeing the future. When I wake up, that may be the start of a tomorrow. Tomorrow is coming. I just am not sure how I feel about that

Summer is Over!

Summer is almost over! Hard to believe! Summer just didn’t seem long enough! We just didn’t have the heat that we have had most summers. Sure, we had a few hot, unbearable days, but not so many that we were counting the days until fall. And now, August is ending in near record lows. We even had days in July where we did have record lows! Isn’t that amazing? Yet, weather stations have said that July was only the 5th coldest, so there were even colder Julys sometime since the late 1800’s, when they started keeping record of the temps!

Traditionally, I don’t ride in August because of the unbearable heat. But I had no excuse with the cooler mornings. I still didn’t ride very much. After County Fair the first week of August, I spent the 2nd week in Colorado. I did ride for 4 days while I completed the Centered Riding Level 1 Instructors Course. Since coming home, I have spent the last 2 weeks not riding. I had to take a few days to recover from jet lag, then I spent the last week and a half doing odds and ends around the house.



I caught the “Organizing Bug” while my parents were here in July. My parents came for a 2 week visit to see their 2 newest, then 7 ½ month old, great-grandchildren for the 1st time! (This makes # 17 and 18 for them! Isn‘t that wonderful!). While they were here, I refinished the downstairs family room, which I love! I said good bye, no, I said good riddance, to the 70’s look. No more orange not-quite-shag carpet. No more dull walls and ceiling. Every day, we did something different in the mornings. I worked my tack store in the afternoons. The first Monday, we went carpet shopping. The rest of the 1st week, we packed up books, moved out furniture, tore up the old carpet, and repainted the walls and ceiling. The 2nd week, new carpet was laid, furniture was rearranged, bookcases were filled with books, and a toy area was established. I love my new family room!!! Nice, padded, soft carpet for the grandbabies to crawl on, and for grandpa “Pop” to lay on also!!!
Back to the present. Or at least, back to the last 2 weeks. I really had no excuse to not be riding for the last week and a half. Cooler mornings. ½ days at the store. Needing to prepare for Fall CTR’s. But I just wanted to get some odd and ends done in the house. I don’t know if I ever had the “nesting” bug when I was pregnant, but it was kind of like that. I just wanted to get some things done. Maybe because, when my parents were here, I started cleaning up the house and bedroom closets. The family room was emptied out, and the pool table was ladened down with all that stuff. One Sunday, when Sara, Jake and Makenzie were home to see grandparents, AND Jacob, Amber and Caden were here, AND Micah was home also, it was almost a free for all!!! LOL I told the kids that everything on that table was going. Take what was yours, and if there was anything left, whoever spoke up first got it! It was amazing how much stuff did go!!! But I wondered why I had some of Amber’s old stuff here, and not at her parent’s house! LOL And, no Sara, you can’t have the NEW horseshoe towel bars - they are for the bathroom! LOL

The one spare bedroom is the office now, but we had set up the bunk beds again, even though the grandkids won’t be able to use them for years! A bookcase and computer hutch were taken out, but the desk and closet was the pits! I went through boxes of “stuff” and got the closet organized and now I can see the desk again.

And I put the kid's baby pictures back up on the wall. I can't wait to add Makenzie's and Caden's baby pictures above the parent's baby pics!

Then, this past week, I wanted to work on Sara’s old bedroom, which is now the spare bedroom/baby room. I needed to make more room for a crib, and still be able to walk around the room. At first, I though I would repaint. But I had repainted after Sara was in college, and the walls still looked nice. It was amazing how much bigger the room looked after I de-cluttered.

A cedar chest went to the family room to sit beside the toy area and one of the bookcases.
Breyer horses, that were still in their boxes, and that were stacked on the floor, were taken down to the family room. 3 large stuffed horses were taken to the bunk beds.
The rocking chair was taken to the family room, to a corner beside the furnace room door. (Tom said the family room is looking cluttered now, but I think it looks just fine, and horsey!)

Now, I had to get Tom help me to rearrange furniture. He loves doing this with me. Not! We do have a wall filled with a dresser and my old vanity, but that opened up a wall for the baby crib.
Now, we have a portable crib,
but I’m ready to set up my old crib when we get a new crib mattress. And I hung some of my old paintings that my mom had done for me. They are from the old, paint by number sets.





One year, both my sister and I got them as a gift. I thought they were special then, and I think they are doubly special now. I haven’t had them hanging in a long time, and now they frame the large bedroom window. I just have to hang another hook for the new curtains, that I had for about 2 years in a bag under the bed, that I found when I started de-cluttering. It's great to find things that you forgot that you had! The room is ready for family and grandbabies to come visit!

Tom and I spent the morning cleaning the large windows in the 2 bedrooms, and cleaned 4 ceiling fans throughout the house. While Tom finished putting shelf hooks and the shelves into the closet, I hung curtains that I washed a few days ago.


Tom attached a book case to the wall and I vacuumed the living room. We changed the water filter. Tom starting working on getting a larger frig to fit into the smaller frig opening in the downstairs kitchenette. I put the finishing touches on the bedrooms.

Time for chores. It was already 6. The day flew by, and still no horse time, except for feeding them their grain. Maybe tomorrow….

Come along for the ride, when I get riding! I better start riding soon…

I have slowed down...some

I have slowed down. I seem to want to take my time. I feel more relaxed.

I don’t rush as much when I drive. That is when I first noticed it. I drive at the speed limit. I started not pushing the limit by going 5 over. As I watch cars fly by me, I wonder why they are in such a hurry. I wondered why I was always in such a hurry.

I just feel like I want to take my time. I’m tired of doing so much at one time. I’m tired of rushing. I’m tired of trying to do 1 more thing before I leave. I’m tired of being late. And I’m really tired of what is happening recently - waking up at night, feeling very, very warm!

I was so dead tired 2 nights ago that I finally slept through the night! I don’t know if my body warmed up or not, because I was too tired to wake up to find out! I felt like a new mother with a young child who didn’t wake her up for the first time!

I think that, since I haven’t slept well lately, this is the start of me not rushing - because I’m tired! I sit and relax more. I want to sit and relax! I want to take the time to sit and relax! I enjoy sitting down and relaxing! What a treat to take a cup of coffee to the lunge chair and just sit there, sipping. Listening to the birds. Watching the horses. Not thinking about anything!

We all need to re-energize ourselves. When the kids were home, and we were showing, my down times have always been mid-late August, after coming back from AQHYA World in Ft Worth, Texas. The other time has been January, after the busy holidays and before we really started back to riding. When the kids were really showing and preparing for qualifying classes for Youth World, we would ride all year long. All those cold, dark afternoons in January and February. The barn was ½ full in those days, so I kept busy with stalls, and riding, and training. I didn’t seem to notice the short daylight days. Then! I sure notice them now. And I really don’t want to be in the barn with chores when it is 0 degrees out! Brrr. You can’t ride then anyways, so why have chores? The horses are outside during these months.

Now, I’m re-energizing myself by taking time for me. Especially when the days and weeks are busy. I find a time to sit and enjoy that cup or coffee or glass of wine. It may only be for 10 minutes when I get home from the store and have that cup of coffee, or ice tea, before going to do chores. But I’ve sat down and just regrouped. Or it could be after the shower and have that glass of wine while watching a mindless show. I really do enjoy sitting and doing nothing!

But I enjoy the horses and the training and competitiveness of CTR’s. Now I just make sure I have the time for myself to enjoy doing what I want to do. I got to the point where I didn’t want to ride for pleasure and I didn’t like that. I want to enjoy my horses. I just needed the time to re-energize.

It has been a year now since I started the re-energizing process. Looking back over the last year, I see that now. I still give lessons, but not as many. I stopped being a 4-H instructor after 15 years, plus. That was a hard decision, and one that I had been thinking about and talking about for more than a year. Finally, the time seemed right. I’m doing more riding for the sport that I am enjoying. I have taken my rides back to the fields, but only in the spring before planting and in the fall after harvest.

I have slowed down…some! I’m enjoying smelling the roses! Literally. I planted some and they are starting to bloom. I hear how quiet it is when I am quiet! I’m taking time to lay on the lounge chair! I love that!

Maybe this process made sense to me, and I realize that it is happening, since I started the Centered Riding Instructor’s Course in May and June. I seem like this summer has been a more relaxed summer for me. And more on the CR course, as I am in Colorado this week, completing the 2nd half of the Level 1 certification.

I have re-energized and I am ready to go! TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF. Get revived and come along on the ride with me! I’m looking forward to riding when I get home!

Valentine's Day is over, but the love lingers...

Valentine’s Day is over, but the memory lingers. This day is a day for remembering why we love the people that we love.

Valentine’s Day is a day of flowers, chocolate, cards, and kisses. But love doesn’t have to be shown in the form of gifts. This is a day to tell your loved ones that you love them. It could be a kiss hello or goodbye. It could be a special look. It could be just saying the right thing at the right time.

Love could be spending time with your loved one. And wanting to! Love could be giving of yourself, because you love the other person that much. Love could be doing something special for the other person. Love could be doing what the other person wants to do. Doing something that you wouldn’t necessarily would want to do. But you would do this because that is what the other person would love.

I wonder who we love more, people or pets? Pets love us back unconditionally. Pets want us to be happy all the time. Pets do what makes us happy, all the time. Well, most of the time!

Are horses pets? I don’t think they make us happy all the time! But when they do, that happy time is a special moment. Sometimes we have that special bond with that special horse. A bond that forms a special friendship. A bond that has that horse following us around like a puppy dog!

Do we tell our horses that we love them? What do we do that is special to our special horse? I think when we step back from riding and training, and just spend time with our horse, the horse knows that we love him or her. Love could be grooming, or feeding, or giving a special treat. Love could be going into the field to hug on our horse. To give our special friend a special hug.

How can we tell that our horses love us? Does our horse whinny when they see us? I love it when my horse whinnies to me softly, like a mare talking to her foal. Does our horse come up to us and lay their head low, to be petted in that special spot between the eyes? Does our horse stand still in the pasture, letting us rub them all over? I love it when the horses crowd around me, wanting me to pick them to rub on.

Sometimes we just need to spend time together. Doing nothing. That not only applies to our human loved ones, but to our four legged friends. A warm muzzle. A long neck to caress. A large belly to hug. A friend who will hang their head and accept us for who we are.

That is what love is all about. A horse to love. To love unconditionally. To want to spend time with me. To follow me around. To say spend time with me.

My next ride will be to hang out with my horse friend and just mosey around on the ride, enjoying each other‘s company! I just want to hang out for awhile! I want to make this a special ride for my friend, because I think that is what he would want! Come along on the ride with me!

Finding Free Time

Everyone needs a vacation time. We get so wrapped up in the everyday rush of getting everything done. Kids off to school, parents off to work, meals, wash, after school activities, sports, nightly meetings. When is there time to slow down and relax? Do we even take the time to relax in the evenings or are we always doing something until we drop into bed at night?
Is your mind always busy, thinking of things that we need to get done? If I keep everything inside me, then I’m always trying to remember what is on my list. I end up forgetting what I wanted to do until the end of the day and it’s then too late to get it done that day. Or I end up laying awake longer when I go to bed, with all the days events and the next days events swirling around in my head. Have you ever been so dead tired, thinking that you would fall instantly to sleep, and lay there wide awake, thinking about what needs to get done?

I like to write things down, otherwise my mind is on overload. I like lists, and I like to cross off what gets done. It makes me feel that I have accomplished something! I have started slowing down in the evenings. I have realized that I need time for myself, or maybe it’s my age telling me I can’t keep going 24/7 all the time. I’ve went all out when the kids were home, keeping up with their activities, riding at night, giving lessons and in the barn until 9 some nights. Spring time was a busy time of the year, and for a few years, I enjoyed it. I thrived on the spring horse training season. But mixed with lessons, activities and late nights, I was dragged down by June. By then, summer lessons and horse shows were in full swing, and some nights were even later.
For awhile, our vacations centered around horse activities. State 4-H for 5 days during the middle of July was usually the hottest week of the year. The first week of August to Texas for Youth Worlds. The first few years, this seemed like a vacation, doing some sight seeing on the off days that we didn’t show. We definitely enjoyed the pool time on the afternoons that we could go back to the hotel. We enjoyed the years we went to Texas. We went as a family and we showed as a family. Even as the kids left their youth years and were in college, they still came to Texas to watch their younger brother/s show. But this was a working vacation. It had been quite a few years since we had gone to the Jersey shore with Tom’s family or had gone hiking to the Colorado or Montana mountains.

Now, the two of the kids are married and the third is in college. Now, it’s time to enjoy life and slow down. No evening activities to rush to. The schedule is work related, with a few meetings tossed in. With the kids gone, there is more work around the place that needs to get done. Sometimes, well, all the time, this past year, I felt like all my husband and I did was to maintain around our place. How do we get all the work done, yet take time to relax? We haven’t accomplished that too well, as I can’t remember many times that we sat outside with a glass of ice tea or a cup of coffee. During the summer, the humidity or bugs bother you too much to do that. Then there may be 1 week each spring and fall that is pleasant enough where you could actually sit outside and enjoy that coffee. July and August are very hot, and we actually have some down times during those months. We enjoy our pool, at least a few hours Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Work is so busy that, by the time we get home, finish chores, we don’t have the desire to lounge in the pool, even for a short time before showers. Maybe see a sunrise like we saw on vacation!

What works for us is to plan a week and go away. We can’t take a week off and stay at home and get things done. It doesn’t work well for us as someone is always calling. Or my husband goes to work anyways, saying he is going in for the morning, and ends up staying until 3. As far as I am concerned, that was a whole day at work and no time at home!

We are on vacation now. On a much needed week’s time in the sun at the beach.
Everyone needs to be revived each year. You need to take time for yourself. If a week away in not possible, then take that week and do something for yourself. Sleep in every day, sight see locally, start a hobby. What ever your sport of hobby is, do it every day one week. Enjoy and relax. Get rested. Get ready to start the next week with a renewed vigor!

Whatever you do, make it seem like you have been on a vacation!

Thankful for Horses

Brenda, Tom, Sara, Jacob & Micah

Fall, 1995

Thanksgiving is over. We are thankful for many things, and one of those is horses.

Why do I love horses so much? I love horses because they are honest and sincere and truthful with their actions. They are a good friend! Horses let you know exactly how they feel. I love their horsey smell, the musty smell as they are shedding their winter coat or the sweaty smell after a hard workout. I love how a mare nickers to her young foal and I love that similar sound when they nicker for their hay. I love riding a collected lope. I love sitting down deep and feeling the horse stop. I love loping in the fields and watching the horse perk his/her ears, anticipating a run. I love the feel of the muscles as they stretch. I love it when my horse walks up to me and wants me to rub its head, right between the eyes. I am thankful that they want me in their life as much as I want them to be in my life.

I asked a question. Why do you love horses? Why are you thankful? You told me how much horses mean to you. You told me how horses have offered you a peaceful solution when life gets hard. You told me that you can’t imagine horses not a part of your life. Some of the answers that I received have given me more time to reflect on why I am thankful for horses.



My friend, Gretchen, has just moved away. She is an equestrian coordinator for a youth camp, and she just loves it. It is so obvious that she loves her job, loves her work, loves working with kids, and loves her horses! Did I say that she loves her horses? This love just oozes out of her. Gretchen is a neat person and I am so lucky to have her as a friend and confidant. We talk to each other, talk things out, and find solutions. We both try to figure out the horse. All of this because of a friendship that developed from Gretchen having the desire to ride better. She knows and understands horses, and she rides with a renewed confidence. She is truly a good friend to her horses! I think the horses she own and the horses she care for are thankful that she is in their life!

Gretchen loves horses so much that what she wrote, what could have been, and should be, a poem. I put it into a poem for her. Here is my version of Gretchen’s poem. Enjoy it as much as I have!

“I Love Horses Because…”
Horses teach me so much!
I never stop learning from them.
Horses make me laugh, and they make me cry.
On my worst days, my horses know it.
They come over and drop their heads in my lap to offer comfort.
On my best days, my horses take me for the ride of my life.
There is nothing better in life than a gallop across the bean field or a lope around the arena.
There is nothing better in life than the sound of a herd of happy horses eating.
There is nothing better in life than the smell of horses in the barn.
They are such incredible works of God's creation.
They are a mystery and a surprise.
They trust and forgive.

Gretchen thought that she could go on and on, but she thought that was enough. I could have read more! Thanks, Gretchen! Horses are indeed one of God's wonderful creations! This is good enough to be a poem, and now it is! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me! You are thankful for horses and I am thankful for you. You give many older horses a fantastic retirement. You give many children a wonderful summer vacation. You give your friends a sense of the peace that horses need to feel. You give your horses a wonderful, peaceful life.

A few people have talked about how horses have saved them. I quote: “They are the sanity at the beginning and end of a very long day“. Horses offer a calmness after a long day at work. Whenever there is something upsetting in life, you can always go to the barn or to the pasture to find the horse you love with all of your life. Horses offer a calmness to one’s life, but you need to sit back and enjoy some quiet time with them. No structure, no purpose, just to be there. An existence unhampered by demands.

When tragedy strikes, in the form of a family member leaving home or in a death of a loved one, families became closer due to horses. Sometimes, sacrifices are made so that horses can remain part of the family. Horses understand love, and hurt, and let you be quiet, without questions. Families deal with loss by hugging a pet or smelling a horse’s neck, by walking or talking with their four legged friend, having a companion, and finding a soul mate. Horses remain quiet when you are quiet. They search you out to give you what you need. They remain close as you rub on them. They remain near until your anxieties and pain are less intense, then they move off quietly to graze.

Yes, I believe horses are great therapy! They listen without complaining. I think it is so peaceful to walk among them when you are bothered or upset about something. The horses seem to know when you are there, not to catch them, but to visit and wander. They come to you and let you pet them, and I find where they are almost too much in my face. They must sense when we need to be comforted. They blow their scent over you, covering you with a blanket of their smell, protecting you with their invisible layer of love and warmth.

With the love for a horse comes a connection. A special feeling that you belong with them. One friend wrote: “horses are my teachers, my therapist, and the mirror into my soul. It's hard to describe the hole that would be left if I couldn't spend time with horses - they're a part of me!” With a horse, you become more than what you are. Horses make the impossible possible. Horses make you a better person. Horses make you try to live your life to the fullest. You can achieve what you strive to achieve, and horses can help.

Oh, I love that. "Horses are the mirror into my soul!" Lovely! We see ourselves when we truly understand the horse, when we see him for what he is. If we search the horse’s soul, we would begin to understand them and see them as an individual horse instead of one of many. I wonder if the opposite is true? Does my horse see inside me as I try to see inside her? Does my horse understand what makes me tick and why I am the way that I am? Does my horse help me to make me a better horsewoman and rider? Does my horse help me to understand him or her better? I will slow down and watch for this as I continue my paths with my horses. How are my horses helping me?

Yes, I can’t imagine the emptiness that would follow without horses in my life. There was a time, after marriage, and when the babies came, that I didn’t have horses. But I knew that I would once again have horses, but the timing was not right at that moment. This is different than knowing that you could not have horses. I would be in agony. I need to know they are there when I need them. It doesn’t matter that I haven’t done anything with them in the last 2 weeks except feed them. They are still there and they are mine.

Even if I could never own horses again, horses would remain a part of my life. I would have to volunteer at a barn. I would have to drive by someone’s pasture every day. I would need to see them. That wouldn’t be good enough. I would need to touch them. I would need to smell them. I would have to wrap my life around them.

I love horses because horses have made me some wonderful horsey friends! Horses are my life because I love my horses! Thanks for coming along on this ride with me! Brenda

We Love Our Horses because...

Starlet and Duster, May 2008

There are many reasons that I love horses. I have a lot of memories. Life was slower and simplier when we were kids, so I think we had more time to play then kids today. I think my first memories were of my brother, sister, and friends riding our ponies. I remember racing my brother to a tree out in the field, around the tree, and then back to the barn. We did fine racing to the tree, around the tree, and back to the barn, UNTIL the ponies didn't stop. They made a sharp L turn on the gravel driveway, and headed to the barn. I fell off onto the gravel. Ouch! I rode my pony to ball practice. I rode my horse to deliver newspapers! My pony had a foal and I raised my first baby. I loved sitting in the manger and watching my pony eat. I loved riding my pony, and later, my first horse, to the trails. I remember riding by myself all the time, through the hills and trees. Today, I prefer riding in a hilly, forest area. I taught my 3 children and husband to ride. My children grew up with the responsibility of caring for their horses and riding and practicing for events. Now they are responsible adults because of horses in their lives.

Why do I love horses? I love horses because they are honest and they let you know exactly how they feel. I love their smell. I love how a mare nickers to her young foal. I love riding a collected lope. I love loping in the fields and watching the horse perk his/her ears, anticipating a run. I love it when the horse walks up to you and wants you to rub its head. And most important, I love horses since, because of horses, I have wonderful friends!

Riding with friends at Ft. Rob, NE June 2008

Why do you love horses?

Come along on this memory ride with me! Brenda

Where do you start? Help those who want your help!

I have had some friends start writing their blog. I have started reading Pioneer Woman and mugwump recently. Maybe that is what started me on this soul searching. Their writings gave me the desire to start writing, and to put my thoughts and feelings down on paper. Pioneer Woman makes me want to be a nicer person. I love her love of life and for her husband and family. Her picture stories are fabulous! I love her humor, and her recipes, even though it has been ages since I have had the time to cook. But putting some meat in a crock pot to cook is cooking, right? Oh, the writings of mugwump have me laughing. I have had so many of the same thoughts as mugwump. She understands her horse so well! I love reading how she deals with her mare, lol! Yes, the best way is to start by what you know, to do a clinic, and who comes, comes! Maybe it isn't the number of people that you help, but just helping those that want the help. Maybe that will be my next blog! And it has!

I’m at a different place in my life, being an empty nester, getting older, with a husband who is terribly busy at work, and I’m not wanting to, or willing to, work in 0 degree and 100 degree weather full time. I’ll soon be a grandmother to 2 babies! (Not twins, but 2 of our children are each expecting their first baby this December). Where do I want to be in life? Should I continue with the tack store, should I continue with giving riding lessons, or should I build my training business back up? All at once, it seems like there are many middle age woman who are having, or making, the time for horses, who want to start riding lessons, and/or are wanting training put on their horse. I could help them. Would they want my help?

Burn out came a few years ago! I know now that was what it was. I was getting discouraged. I wasn’t excited about what I was doing. I didn’t even want to do what I was doing. And the worst was that I didn’t even want to ride. Riding was work and I was tired of working all the time. Working from 7 in the morning to 9 at night. Morning chores, hay, grain and water 8-10 horses and cleaning stalls. Feeding outside horses. Grooming 8-10 horses then cleaning those 8-10 stalls again. Filling waters again, saddling and training on 8-10 horses, and cleaning those 8-10 stalls again. Evening chores. Feeding outside horses again, feeding training horses again, cleaning those 8-10 stalls again. Then maybe 3-4 lessons. And finally, cleaning those 8-10 stalls again before going in to the house for what is left of the evening. Can you tell that I never like to have a dirty stall? Weekends had horse shows, helping my own kids show and coaching other kids. Every now and then, we were home to go to church Sunday mornings. It seems like those 3 or 4 months in the spring when I was the busiest felt like it would never get to be summer. Summer time brought less training horses, but then I started and rode my young horses when it was 90 degrees out! How tiring is that? And still coached youth at evening lessons and at shows, when it was 100 degree days! I wanted to quit. One morning, I woke up, dreading going to the show to coach that day. I didn’t want to go to the show. I didn‘t want to help people anymore.
Then recently I had a group of little kids. They brought me flowers, and cookies, and smiles, and hugs. Lessons went by fast. Kids loved their riding time! And I loved helping them. When I was selling my son’s youth horses, these little kids looked up at me, and, with big open eyes, they asked who they would ride when Misty and Chick were sold? They didn’t realize that there would be less lessons if I sold these horses. They just assumed that there would be another horse. I realized that I couldn’t stop helping them. How could I not help someone who had a love for horses so great that they wanted to come for lessons, no matter what the weather was like or what horse they rode? As long as there were horses, even to brush, they would come! They wanted my help and I wanted to help them. They were good for my soul. They made me realize why I started doing what I did, lessons, training, helping others learn how to ride and about horses!

Now, a few years later, I’m at another turning point. I want some free time. I don’t want to be on everyone else’s schedule any more. I started trail riding more. I started doing some Competitive Trail rides. After 15 years, I just told my 4-H group that I am done coaching 4-H! I had made that decision a few years ago, but it didn’t feel right then. I couldn’t leave a few great kids hanging. Today, it feels right, and I am content with that decision. My families that mean so much to me are so supportive and they have helped to make that decision easier. I will still do spring and summer lessons.

I wasn’t doing enough with my own horses. They weren’t being ridden. In today’s market, they were worth pennies on the dollar! So I did less with them, they stood in the horse lot, eating hay. I started downsizing a few years ago. Selling a few at an auction, selling a few privately for, what I thought then was ½ their value. Now, 3 or 4 years later, I wished I had sold more at that previous auction. Now these horses, broke but who need an experienced rider, are only bring about 30% of what they did a few years ago. I took what money I got because I’m feeding less horses, therefore my winter hay bill is down. I know that next spring I wouldn’t get any more money for my horses if they had another season of rides on them. The market is down! Who knows if it will ever go up since they took away the kill plants. But that is another issue. I need to ride the horses that I have, make them better horses for all levels of riders, and then they will sell at a fair price. I need to have the time for me, my goals, and for my own horses.
Getting back to why this blog originated…it’s not the number of people that you help, but help those who want your help. Someone once told me that you can only help the people who want your help. I started out wanting to help everyone. Some people just don’t appreciate what is handed to them, imagine that! When the kids do, their parents don’t. When the parents do, the kids don’t. Not everyone, just a few, but what do they say about a bad apple in a bushel of apples? I learned over the years to keep my mouth shut, and, for those who know me, imagine that! Ha!

Now, I see the wisdom in only helping the people who come to me. I will keep the people away who pull me down. If I concentrate on a few, the few will excel and will learn as much as I am capable of teaching them. Don’t we all want that? To teach someone something so well that they go on and achieve more than they thought they could? Others will see their achievements and ask about what was different. My actions will speak for themselves, and through the actions of others. But…you can’t make them want “it” as much as you want “it”. You can’t make them strive to learn more, to get “it”, if they don‘t want to. It has to come from within them. I had to learn to only give them as much as they wanted or could comprehend. I had to learn not to give them all that I could if that is not what they wanted. A hard lesson for me to swallow, and to learn how to do. I now have fun watching people have fun while they learn. I have more energy, I enjoy these lesson times, and I have a rewarding feeling.

But it is also about limiting the number of people that you help so you have time for what matters most to you. It's amazing when you see clinicians doing something that you do, and making money, you wonder why you don't do the same things? But, by doing more, you develop a bigger business, then you start doing even more work, ride more horses, do more lessons, and be even busier. Well, maybe I’ll stay at this point in my life because I can’t imagine being busier! Something would have to give, and it would probably be my wits! Why on earth would someone want to be any busier? I have no time to breathe right now. I want to find something that gives me some time to do the things that I want to do, find some time to relax at the end of each day and drink a cup of coffee or glass of ice tea, plant some flowers and a vegetable garden, and maybe cook a meal or 2 a week. I want to wake up some morning and wonder what I will do to keep me busy that day. That is not even an option today! I don’t even have time to clean my toilets! I could make the time, but I can’t be doing something every minute of the day. I need some down time in the evenings. I manage to keep the house picked up. Clutter is in organized piles, and the office door stays shut. Meals are cooked in the crock pot. Sometimes, the dishes are washed in the dishwasher, then remain there until they are used, or I get tired of the dirty dishes in the sink so I empty the half-emptied dishwasher. Clothes are washed, then hung to dry so there is no ironing. I try to keep the mail caught up. And my toilets get cleaned when I have company.

Now I have more time for more rides on my young horses. More trail rides. More CTR rides. I’m exciting to see what next year brings. I’ll have 2 grandbabies to cuddle. I have 2 young horses to make better. I have 3 coming yearlings to teach ground manners and learn how to round pen. I have Finny to continue working on maneuvers and logs together. And I have a husband to share my love of horses with. I need to plan a trail ride with him!

Time to reflect, restructure life, regroup, relax, and enjoy these horses! Come along on my next ride with me. Brenda