The Store Closing

February 13, 2010
April 9, 2010

(I started this blog almost 2 months ago. Then I left it unfinished until now.)

I made the decision last fall to close the store. I didn’t make this decision in haste. I didn’t make it because all the kids were gone and I had no extra help, even though I do have help from the boys when I am in a bind, when I need help quickly. Actually, that would have been a reason to not close the store. If I have no extra help at the barn, then why not continue to sell feed and tack and all the other horsey items at the store? I didn’t make the decision because my trail riding horse, Finny, died, even though that is making me feel a little lost. I didn’t make it because Tom was working such long hours at work, and that is making me lonely at times. All of these reasons should be why I shouldn’t close the store.

I actually made the reason to close the store because I wanted to do more with horses, even though Tom works long hours and even though I don’t have the boys at home anymore to help me. Sara has been gone for almost 10 years since her college years started, except for a few summers. Jacob has been gone since he has been married almost 3 years ago. He did live at home for his last year of college and the year before he got married. Micah has been gone for a little over 3 years, since January of his Freshman year in college. He is now a Senior at UNL.

Don’t you ever feel that you’re not happy and you don’t know why? Sometimes, I don’t know what I want to do. I have a feeling of what I should do, so I need to move with that feeling. Sometimes, I’m feeling lost. The house is empty and the barn is empty. Sometimes I come home to emptiness and that makes me sad. I need something in my life, and I feel I’m on a search for that “something”.

I wanted to close the store to devote more time to horses. To really getting them trained. To dedicate more time to lessons. To study about horses and get into the mind of horses so that I can pass that knowledge on to my customers. And to develop a stronger bond and riding ability with my horses through Centered Riding.

The Tack Store was what I needed as the kids were leaving the house. I had something to keep me busy. And best of all, I was still doing something about horses. But now it’s time to move on.

Centered Riding is a Journey. Last summer, I felt complete. I felt that I found what completed me, both as a rider and as a woman. I felt “centered”. I felt at peace, and I felt a calmness surround me. I tried to concentrate on having that feeling engulf my whole life, especially when I was around my family.

Then Finny died and something inside me died. I’m still trying to dig myself out of that feeling. Maybe I never will. But if I want to have a life with horses, I need to get motivated. I knew that I couldn’t do that fully and still have the store. I was feeling lost, as I was a “woman without a horse”. Late last October, I made the decision to move on.

Closing the store brought some stress to my life. I knew I had to move on. I knew I had to get back outside. But closing the store was a lot of work. And the calmness that I gained through Centered Riding slowly left me through this past 6 months, and especially this last month. I completely lost my control on the last day of moving. That upset me very much. I felt that I was back to old ways, and I knew I wanted more out of life than to be upset over little things that happen along the way.

Everything from the store is in my house, in the horse trailer, and in the barn. I am slowly digging my way out of my lost feeling as I organize my mess. My barn office and lounge has a new coat of paint. My store office is being moved into my barn office. Some of the tack and product from the store will be organized in boxes in the lounge. As I move product out of the horse trailer and my basement, my house will slowly get organized again.

I am started to get my horse business revived. Lessons and training will start soon. But I haven’t started riding yet, and I need to make time for that. Last week was moving week, then we had Easter weekend. This week was cleaning and painting and starting to organize my mess. Next week is the week I’ll get back to riding. Starlet is waiting, and if any horse can motivate me, she can.

I feel some energy returning, as I’m getting up earlier the last 2 days. I haven’t set the alarm this week, as I knew my body needed rest. I’m starting to want to do something with the horses. I’m starting to want to schedule riding lessons. I’m starting to feel again.

My new logo is what is engraved on a Brighton’s Jewelry bracelet that I just recently purchased.

“Embrace the Journey”

Come along on the Ride - I promise I'll be riding soon!