Time for Change

Summer is changing to Fall. Weather has turned cooler overnight. I love it when the trees start changing colors. But then that means cooler days. I don’t think any of us are going to complain about cooler days, with the hot days that we had all summer.

My goals are changing as I prepare for trail rides. I need to get to riding in the fields. When will those beans get off the fields so I can ride there? The arenas are starting to be really boring. I really need to let loose and ride those fields. I will like that!

My body is changing. I’m getting older and I don’t like it. I feel like I eat right and exercise, but inside things are changing. And I don’t like it. And I’m getting pudgy and I don’t like that!

I feel like my whole world is changing and I don’t know why. Our parents are getting older. Kids are getting older. Everyone has their own opinion. Except I’m not allowed to express mine, because when I do, someone doesn’t like me for it. I don’t like that either.

There is a turmoil inside me that no one but me feels. How can anyone else? How can anyone understand unless they have gone through those changes? How can I quiet everything inside me so I feel right about everything else?

My family doesn’t understand me and I don’t know why. I’m a pleaser, and I can’t seem to work hard enough to please them. Am I just a mom to them, but if so, why do kids treat dads differently? I don’t understand it and I don’t like that either.

How do I change? I guess I am the one that needs to change as I’m the only one who feels that things are wrong. I feel slightly depressed and I sure hope it’s the meds. Why am I taking these stupid pills if they are suppose to be good for me and this is how I feel. I don’t like that either.

I think the meds, that I have just started taking last week, are doing this to my mind, and I don’t like it. The meds are suppose to make your body work better. I felt better before this. I need my horse time. And I’m not even sure that I’m going to get it because the meds are kicking in and I don’t feel well. And I definitely don’t like that either.

I’ll be better tomorrow, I promise. The sun is getting brighter today and I’m heading outside. To work horses. Then I’m going over to a friend’s place to ride. I DO like that! I guess I’m not really depressed as bored, indifferent, and needing some sunshine. I really need my horse today.