When a teenager loses her best friend

One of my friends brought her daughter to me for lessons when she was young, maybe 8 or 10 years olds.  Spike had a mind of his own.  He pulled on her.  And she was little and didn't have the strength to make him listen.  She got older.  Spike got older.  She learned to make him listen.  Spike started listening better.  And the girl and the horse bonded and went on to have a beautifully, wonderful partnership.  And they could run!  I remember when she couldn't even make him trot.  They became a competitive team.

She said tonight...
Dear Spikee,
Why did you have to leave so soon? We made a promise when I was little that we would both make it to 200 years old! What happen to that promise bud? I know you don't like it when I cry but this I can't help but cry. You were my best friend and taught me everything I know when it comes to riding. I wish I could've said goodbye when you were still here but now that youre gone, It's too late. We had our ups and downs but you got me through it no matter how hard it was. You'll always have a place in my heart that will never be forgotten. I love you Spike.
Rest In Peace. ♥
January 12, 2012
I love you bud.

My heart breaks.  And I think about Finny.  And I think about her mom losing Johnny.  The hurt is there again.  But not so painful, as this is what I told her...

...there are so many of us who understand. Including your mom. Our hearts just break in 2. We wonder why, and why now? Why not that other horse? Not the horse that was so loved? I truly believe in God's plan for us, and for our ...horses. He took our beloved best friend home to be with Him. There is a lesson in there for us. Maybe to show us something special. Should I have taken more time with my horse before he died? Should I have cared for him differently? Should I have done something? Why didn't I know he was sick? Why didn't I know he was dying? Honey, I felt so guilty for so long, and I don't want that for you. Our horses leave us, just like our dogs and other pets, and we just need to accept that when it comes, no matter how hard that is. Guilt will just make the sorrow last longer. And we don't want to be sad when we think about Spike, or Johnny or Finny. We need to find peace, and I'm starting to say this a lot, but it's the only thing that is making me feel better... that place in your heart that hurts so much, that is breaking in 2, is where those special memories will be. I know how much you hurt. And it's true... only time will help. I'm sad that you are hurting so bad, and I pray that you can understand the whys. Don't feel any guilt, or sadness, or whatever, just know that it was time for him to go home to God's pastures. Look how many friends he has up there running with him! hugs!

It is ok to grieve.  It is ok to cry.  And when you think you can't stand it any longer, please cry some more.  Cry until you can't cry anymore.  Then peace will come.  Then happy memories will come.  Then another horse will make you happy.  I didn't think that would be possible, but when you love horses enough, you have to keep loving more.  You can't stop because you lost a special one.  Take the time to grieve.  But take the time to allow another horse to become a special one.

I am lucky that I raise horses. Believe me, those first few days when I lost Finny, I didn't think I was lucky. I had to feed the horses, but I didn't look at them. I threw them their grain!

I started riding Shaggy, and I thought, great, I have to train on another one to get him to where Finny was.  That will take years.  But I started riding him and I took him on trail rides.  He saved me because of his quiet ways.  He entered my heart in a quiet way.  He will never leave here.

I have Starlet, who will always be here.  Just because I raised her in my 2nd foal crop  and I get along with her. She puts everyone in there place. She is mine and she is not going anywhere.

Duster is Starlet's first foal.  He acts just like her, pushing his way where he wants to be.  Then other times, he runs to momma to save him. LOL  But his lope is awesome, and I can't wait to ride that.  He is by my stud, Duke.

Duke, who I just gelded, and I'm riding. I love his canter.  I will take him to dressage lessons and ride him in the Centered Riding Clinics.  I just love that deep, collected canter.  He is so natural.  After many years of no training, he rides the same. I give him a ride a year, in the past, but already this year, he has been ridden a half dozen times and has been to the fields.

Then there are 2 young fillies.  I love them both.  Dove and Fawn will be my replacement mares, because I'm not sure how long I can go without babies.

So you see, even though we hurt, there are other horse who grab our hearts.  After more than 2 years, my heart has opened up again and all these horses mean so much to me.

I'm not a good breeder.  You are suppose to sell your best horses or your riding horses.  I have to keep all of mine. 

So, honey, when you think your heart is broken and you can't go on, you can.  It took me 2 years to understand that, and I knew that, but I wouldn't let it happen.  Then these young horses just creep into your life and make you happy again.  or that mare that has always been around shows you her personality.  Or that stud, who is a gelding now, shows you what a great mover he is.

Find that horse that makes you happy, so that you can smile about your memories with Spike.  I know you won't smile until you're happy with another horse. Believe me and believe your mom.  Our hearts will always hurt.  But they don't hurt so much now.  Now our hearts can smile with happy memories.

I want the same for you. Hugs.